You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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