i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
