laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
