i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
