the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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