I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
