operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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