This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
