so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
