Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
