i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
