Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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