I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
