I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize