You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
