Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
