im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
