I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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