do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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