Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
