I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
