Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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