I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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