she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
