HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I won the penis lottery.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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