Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize