I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
