quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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