I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
