new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize