I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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