and next time when you feel me up, do it right
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
