You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
