Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize