your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
