i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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