you would pick up someone in the library
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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