I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
