I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
