There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
