No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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