I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sarcasm needs its own font
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
