sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
