Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
