if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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