Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
