how can u be prego again
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
