I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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