I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize