Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
