Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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