I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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