Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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