i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
