Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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