i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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