I hate all girls vehemently.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
