I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
