Did you just see the Batmobile???
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is that strawberry winking at me??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
