new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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