You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
