I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
