i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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